# There's no such thing as a "word processor", or a "spreadsheet". There is Word, and Excel, respectively. It's inconceivable that there could ever be a computer without them.

# Internet Explorer is more commonly known as "the Internet"; when you say "open the Internet", you mean opening IE. You have no idea what a "browser" is, or that there are alternatives to IE.

# If you receive an email from a long-lost relative in Nigeria, it's probably legit. After all, he's got the same last name as you!

# Email messages should be kept forever, and in the Inbox. Even ads for penis enlargement pills (you never know when they might be useful, after all). When, after a while, your mailbox "breaks", you simply get yourself another one, and tell everyone that you've changed email addresses.

# If a geeky friend, relative, neighbor or co-worker, fed up with fixing your computer, suggests that you use some weird "fox fire" thing instead of the Internet, say no. Refuse to even listen. Who is he to think he knows better than you